


Breathtaking

by VisibleClosedEyes



Series: Road of suffering [1]
Category: Guild Wars 2 (Video Game)
Genre: Cutting, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Depression, F/M, Hallucinations, Living World Episode: s04e05 All or Nothing, Spoilers, Suicide Attempt, Surreal, Survivor Guilt, cope fic, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:22:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26692915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VisibleClosedEyes/pseuds/VisibleClosedEyes
Summary: She failed everyone, her allies, and herself.
Relationships: Canach/Female Player Character (Guild Wars)
Series: Road of suffering [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1965031
Kudos: 6





	Breathtaking

She hopes she could be a little better, a little faster, a little wiser. She winces when a sharp blade she presses on her once dainty wrist. 

If she was all that, Aurene would not be dead -- same with the soldiers fight with her side by side. Her failure brings her back to the old memories that are suppressed and hidden behind her skull.

“Trahearne, I don’t think I can be someone who you want me to be,” she whispers into the void between her sobbing. Hot water already filled the wooden tub she soaks herself into. She can smell blood and the iron on her tongue as the water starts to cool down, she doesn’t realize it was heated in the first place.

It was painful but only for now. Maybe with her life, she can get rid of the crippling guilt that devours her soul every second of her existence. She can’t save anyone.

She failed everyone, her allies, and herself.

The commander closes her eyes as the bathwater is taking away her life. What seems to be clean liquid once, now, is corrupting by the hideous redness of her dirty blood. She opens her eyes again, though she starts to feel exhausted, to observe what is coming out of the deep vertical cut. Surprisingly, her blood is still red -- she thinks it would be black and corrupted like Zhaitan’s blood. 

Is this how Sieran felt back at the Claw island on that very day?

Her exhaustion from losing blood brings her back to the cherished moment she shared with her first love. Nothing romantic but that was hardly an issue. That day she worked with her in a tomb (or a cave?)-- Ironically, she didn’t memorize most of the details but she remembers her smile. Now, she sees her in her dying dreamlike state of mind, her hallucinating smile was(is?) breathtaking -- quite in actuality at this very moment. 

Then the cloud started to cover the sky like a curtain fall after a tragic play ended. And this play of their relationship is at its final act. She recalls scream, the scent of rampant undead, and the vitriolic cry of Zhaitan’s champion. She did everything she could, swore she prayed to Grenth in her mind too.

But none of that was enough because at the end she was-- is just a girl who happened to be trusted by people to embark on the battle no one else’s willing to take the lead. 

It will be a new adventure… Sieran said to her, it was supposed to soothe the pact commander but they both knew that there was no point in doing that anymore. 

The world actually goes cold this time because all the heat leaves this place already, including from her body. She quickly thinks -- If she is dying in the river, maybe at least it won’t be this cold.  
Trahearne, why do you believe in me? What exactly did you see? Surely, whatever that was I can’t see it.

All the pain he went through and then relieved by her, an honorable death. The last gift she could give to him and the only one she felt she ever had.

She closes her eyes for the last time, hopefully forever this time. The last picture recorded in her brain is deep red surrounding her left arm. There is no clean water anymore so she decides to take a deep slumber.

Then she feels cold, airy cold—her body feels exposed to the elements but then—then… there is this—warmth that wraps her fast but with gentle. Maybe she forgot to close the window and the dawn break arrived already. Too bad she’s dying in this bathtub, if she is drowning in the river she might have some chance of seeing the dawn. 

But she doesn’t feel the water anymore. Now, the only thing that feels wet is herself and the touch of a foreign texture—actually not that alien to her, it feels like a tree trunk surface that took shape like animal muscles —humanoid arms.

Her eyes part and she sees a very familiar face.  
“Canach?” Her voice came out dryer than she intended. She sees his face but the light in the morning is in the way—it’s hard for her to focus. However, she hears him speak.

“What did you do? Why?” There is sadness but mostly a disappointment in his voice. At that very moment, she wants to say sorry right away but everything feels weak. So all it comes out is:  
“Hey,” But Canach stops her from saying anything further.  
“It’s ok, I’m here—alright,” He says as he wraps a towel around her damaged wrist. The fluffy textile turned red at the center almost immediately—the commander surprised how much blood she still has left.  
“I’m sorry—I’m a coward,” there—she finally says it.  
“No, you aren’t — but you should have — at least told someone, told me.” Canach struggles with his words while he tries his best to stop her bleeding before the actual medic comes.  
“We will—talk about this… later. I’m sorry —I, I didn’t tell you,”


End file.
